Learn More, Save More

Before I had a baby, I actually blogged about home remodeling. I know, I know, it's hard to believe I ever did anything but lovingly caress my adorable baby, but, back in the day, two months ago, I cuddled nail guns and wet saws instead of an infant.

I'd like to return to my roots for a moment to tell you about three things.

1). We finally finished building the hand rail to our porch steps, which we started almost exactly 2 years ago. And when I saw "we," I actually mean Joey and his uncle did it while I was at a Badger game in Madison. I know my well-wishing from afar was a huge help to them.

2). While doing research for our various remodeling projects, Joey and I found a great website for pricing and buying new and refurbished tools. Tools Plus is a great site that also offers helpful how-tos, a Q & A section, blog and tons more - including rebates and bonuses!

3). Speaking of rebates and getting a deal in general, another great site, One Project Closer has a page devoted to coupons - on just about everything - at Sears. From clothes to toys and electronics to appliances, this page is loaded with savings. Just in time for the holidays (which I cannot believe are here).

So, there you have it - a brief reminder that I posses knowledge about other things besides child rearing. See you next time, when I will most likely be discussing child rearing and cuddling a baby. But just to "keep it real," I'll make sure that baby is holding a hammer.

Beware of The Puking Tiger

Last year for Halloween, I regaled you with creepy stories of my house (relive the experience here, here and here). This year, I'm regaling you with photos of Adeline experiencing Halloween for the first time in her life.

Because it's the first holiday she's been around for, our friends and family got her numerous Halloween outfits. She's basically been dressed as various versions of a pumpkin since October 1st. However, I saved this outfit from Joey's parents for The Big Day - Halloween itself. We celebrated by taking 500 photos of her that all basically look like this:

Notice that she's flipping you all the bird. So charming.

Yes, I was just waiting for her to spit up right on Daddy as he did this.

I can almost hear her saying, "Okay, Mom! They get it already. I'm a f@$*ing tiger!"

Of course, Adeline did what she always does when dressed in an incredibly cute outfit - puked all over it within the first 10 minutes of having it on and then continued to do so on and off throughout the day.

We debated taking her Trick or Treating, but figured it would go something like this...

"Hello, Good Neighbor. I've come to give you a treat...the treat of admiring my adorable daughter whose adorableness triples when dressed in a tiger suit. Did you know my baby tiger's cuteness becomes almost unbearable when a mini-sized candy bar is placed in her precious baby tiger paw? See! I told you so. No, no she does not have teeth yet, but she'll gum the candy bar, which creates an irresistible chocolate mustache, so perhaps you should give us two of those fun-sized Snickers instead of just one. Well, we're off to share her delightfulness with dozens more, so we bid you adieu on this All Hallows' Eve. We'll look forward to seeing you next year, when my baby's cuteness is again compounded by being dressed as an animal or food item."

...so we decided to take all the candy for our Trick or Treaters and run errands with Adeline instead. The check out lady at Target just loved her!

Three-Second Desserts

I recently discovered that having a new baby keeps one very busy, and that the said busyness, when combined with calorie-burning breastfeeding, also makes one very hungry, leading one to find quick ways to shovel food into ones mouth.

When food shoveling needs to be done, I'm your gal. Here's one of my favorite go-to, food shoveling recipes. With just three everyday ingredients and hardly any prep work, it's a cinch to whip up. And since it only requires one spoon, there's practically no clean up! Better still, you only need one hand to make it, so your other hand is free to hold a squirming baby or wipe spit up off your shoulder.

First, head over to your new kitchen cabinets from Ikea. Choose to ignore the fact that you still have not yet put switch plates on any of the switches or outlets in new kitchen, or attached the undercabinet lighting.

Open the cabinets that contain food. Still feel slightly shocked when you see one whole shelf devoted to feeding a baby (Bottles!? WTF? Oh yeah.) Grab the peanut butter, chocolate chips and marshmallows.

Prepare the ingredients.

Grab a spoon. If you do not have any clean spoons available, use a fork, butter knife or any utensil that can fit in both a Skippy peanut butter jar and your mouth without causing a hard-to-explain injury.

Dip spoon into peanut butter, gathering a hearty amount of creamy goodness. Notice your reflection in the spoon and wish you didn't appear upside down in it, cause how funny would it be to see yourself with peanut butter for hair.

Dip peanut-butter covered spoon into chocolate chips.

Make sure the spoon has gathered enough chocolate chips.

Smoosh mini-marshmallows between chocolate chips on spoon. If you only have large marshmallows, simply wipe the peanut butter/chocolate chip mixture onto it and feel relieved that there was a simple solution to such a horrifying predicament.

Insert into mouth and enjoy every second of deliciousness. If not breastfeeding a baby with milk protein sensitivities, follow it up with a huge gulp of ice cold, amazingly refreshing and fantastically tasty milk. Repeat as often as needed. I repeat very often because my body is being deprived of cheese and ice cream and needs to get those absent calories from somewhere, right?

Since most of the ingredients are already out, we might as well enjoy a bonus "You can make it so fast, you won't feel guilty having it even if the baby is crying in her bouncy chair" dessert. To prepare this delectable treat-for-one, swap out the peanut butter for graham crackers. Fresh is preferable, but stale ones will do if it's all you have on hand.

Split a graham cracker in half. Briefly wonder if a man named Graham actually invented this type of cracker. Remember that you don't have time to think of such things. You must focus! Put graham cracker halves onto a regular ol' plate, because you were too practical to register for china when you got married.

Arrange chocolate chips on one half of the graham and cover the other half with mini marshmallows.

Why the minis and not a Hershey bar and regular marshmallow? Because these little guys melt faster and we only have 3 seconds!

Pop into the microwave till marshmallows puff up a bit. Smoosh marshmallow half on top of chocolate chip half. Enjoy!

Realize that although microwaved s'mores are just as messy as those made around a campfire, they don't taste quite as good, but will do in a pinch.

There you have it, Friends. Two desserts that everyone can enjoy in just a few seconds, whether you have a new baby or not.

Note: If you are a cook who happens to have a new baby, do not attempt to eat the s'mores while trying to breastfeed, as there's a very good chance marshmallow goo could fall on baby's head while doing so. Not that I know from experience or anything.

Cry For Me

A while back, I shared a most tragic story with you. It was the story of how my tastebuds were being deprived of dairy products because my little angelic, exclusively breastfed daughter screamed and unleashed alien-like bodily fluids when I ate it.

Yes, that baby girl, who just turned 2 months and barely fits in the bassinet we used during her first weeks of life.

So, I sucked it up and exchanged my hourly intake of cheese, ice cream, milk and yogurt for soy. Soy milk, soy ice cream and even soy yogurt. I skipped the soy cheese, cause seriously, if you can't have the real thing, what's the point?

Although my baby girl's diapers became "normal," she remained fussy and rather phlemy. Turns out she's sensitive to soy, too. God damn it.

So, still trying to suck it up, I exchanged my daily intake of soy (who wants to eat anything soy on an hourly basis? Not me.) for rice. Rice milk and rice ice cream. I don't think they make rice yogurt or cheese, and if they did, I would be too scared to eat it.

Do you know what a poor, poor substitution this stuff is for actual milk and ice cream? However, I need something to put in my cereal and seeing that I literally salivate when I pass a Culver's Custard Stand, I had to get something ice creamish or I really think I might lose my mind.

Let me remind you - I live and die for food. I write about food for a living! Now I cry a little in the dairy isle every time I go to the store.

I can already predict that my butt and thighs will triple in size when I stop breastfeeding because I am going to eat nothing but pizza, cheese, malts and hot fudge sundaes for a month straight and I will wash it all down with vats of eggnog and chocolate milk. I am going to make a bath of Velveeta (lets face it, it melts better than Cheddar) and sit in it with a pile of Frito's until all the processed, cheesy goodness is gone. Then, I will perk myself up with thousands of lattes and rejoice over the milk-infused caffeine pumping through my veins. And finally, I will celebrate my return to the nothing-is-off-limits food world by sipping several Brandy Old Fashions (sweet, with cherries, please), because, my Friends, that is how we do it in Wisconsin.

So, whatever dairy - or even soy - product you are about to enjoy this weekend, please, please do me a favor and savor every bit of it (Or, as my friend Cheri suggested, poor a 40 of milk out onto the sidewalk in my honor). Because there are some of us who must live without it so that they can remind their baby, when she turns 13 and is a complete brat, of the sacrifices made for her well being. Also, if you see a new mom caressing the brie at the grocery store, give her some privacy. She's mourning.

P.S. A big thank you to Dave and Carole of 96.5 WKLH for mentioning my blog and reading my email on the radio yesterday. I didn't hear it (that damn baby!), but was told about it.

An Odd Place For An Ant Farm

My morning was darkened by a shocking discovery. Before I go any further, a word of warning to my family members and coworkers who read this blog: This post will embed an image of me that you may not want to recall during Christmas dinner with grandma and grandpa or while sitting across from me in the Lake Conference Room with upper management. The choice to continue reading is yours. Choose wisely and do not hold me responsible for inserting a picture you never wanted into your brain.

So, I'm taking a shower, as I occasionally do these days, with my eyes glued to the baby monitor hoping Addy will sleep long enough for me to actually use the soap. I hop out, dry off, lotion up, yada yada yada...as I lift my arms to apply my Dove deodorant, purple and red splotches draw my eyes to a dark and shadowy part of my body.

As first, I think to myself, "Is that dirt? I know my shower schedule is a tad off, but am I really that filthy?" I lean in closer to the mirror and gasp at what I find. Those splotches aren't dirt...they're stretch marks! Tons of them! On the underside of my boobs!!! I could almost hear them giggle as they yelled, "Surprise!"

My boobs have become so distended from my ample milk supply that my skin has stretched to the point of breaking down. Two days ago I was all, "Yippee! My belly button will never look the same and my skin is a tad relaxed, but my formerly pregnant stomach is stretch mark free! And hot damn, do I ever have an awesome rack now!"

I should've taken a closer look at that rack, which is now not only home to a constantly nursing baby, but also raggedy puce-colored lines that bring one image to mind:

The jagged, irregular tunnels found in ant farms. That is what my under boob looks like. Hey, I warned you.

So, that's really all I have to say. I just wanted to share my shock and an example of life's tendency to laugh in your face when you pat yourself on the back too enthusiastically. And that laughter will forever be etched onto the skin of my under boob (you can bet your ass I'm lathering anti-stretch mark lotion onto my upper boob to save them from the same demise).

Reminder: I warned you.

Plywood VS. Granite Countertops

In today's world of kitchen remodeling, there are numerous options when it comes to countertops. From concrete, to laminate, to granite, the choices are endless. When remodeling our kitchen, Joey and I decided to go a different route and experiment with plywood. Its natural look and economical price really appealed to us.



Plus, I could write on it when I needed a place to jot down important notes.



And if we ever got sick of having a countertop, we could easily pop it off and carry it to the garage for safe keeping.



Hey, guess what? I'm just kidding. Sort of. We did have plywood countertops for about 2 months while we waited to order our real counters and have them installed.

Well, they were installed about 7 weeks ago. I've just been super slow about getting around to posting pictures of them because my camera is too busy snapping photos of this gal.

Yes, she's sleeping with her butt in the air and that's because she is professionally employed at being insanely adorable 24 hours a day.

Anyways, after living with plywood countertops, which absorb anything that drips on them, we decided granite was a better option.

We picked a color that was on sale at Le Home Depot (Summer Sage) and are very happy with it.

Notice the clutter in the above photo. I could've straightened things up before taking a picture of my kitchen, but I decided to keep it real, a.k.a I was too lazy to do it. That is exactly what my kitchen looks like at this very moment, except I've since eaten more of the candy (it's totally for the trick or treaters) out of the bowl on the island.

P.S. The kitchen still isn't quite finished yet. We need to install the a few cabinet doors, trim and toe kicks, as well as the under cabinet lightening. We'll get to it as soon as our baby stops being so cute and allows us to actually look at something else.

A New Kind of Fabric

I admit it. I've Googled some pretty strange things. Sometimes it's out of my own curiosity and other times it stems from a random conversation with friends (you know who you are).

This Google search, which brought the searchee to my blog, is too good not to share with you. Please see below.

"The fabric of my butt"

Yes, People, someone spent time typing those words and then perusing the Internet looking for information on them. I have several questions about this. First, what is butt fabric and how do you get it? Is it just another way to describe a hairy butt? Next, if it's your butt, shouldn't you already be familiar with the fabric of it? Also, is there really information on the web, besides what you find on my blog (which seems to be an authority on the subject), about butt fabric? And finally, how many of you reading this are going to do a Google search for "butt fabric" just to see what you can find? I know I am. I hope I find more than just my blog, because I never intended to hog all the "butt fabric" traffic.

Happy Google searching!

1 Month Down, 215 to Go

Seven weeks ago, life yanked itself out from under me, hung me upside down by the ankles, slapped me across the face and then laughed at me. In other words, life blessed me with newborn and saw how blissfully clueless I was about raising her.

The last month and a half have blown by so rapidly, I can literally feel my cheeks flapping in the velocity of their wake. I could swear that I've really only experienced 5 incredibly long days, but I suppose that's what happens when, because you no longer really sleep, the end of each day blurs with the start of the next.

I've been a mom for just over a month and, although I'm still painfully and amusingly new at this role, I've learned a thing or two about babies.

Lesson One: Newborns Need Stuff

Like most newbie pregnant women, my nine months were filled with prepping, fretting, excitement and shoving my face against huge rose-colored glasses. As I tromped towards the prenatal finish line, I envisioned peaceful days lounging with my newborn, catching up on movies, reading and hundreds of projects. I mean, since I wasn't going to be working, I'd have tons of free time, right?

Holy shit, was I wrong. I have not watched a single movie in its entirety and getting through a tabloid magazine in one sitting is a challenge. In fact, finding time to bathe and eat can be hard to do. My friends with kids tried to warn me, but the challenges of parenting don't sink in until they're literally puking and pooping in your lap.

Adeline needs my boobs for about half the day and when she's not clutched to my chest, she's fussing, dirtying her 12th diaper of the day or flashing an adorable smile that screams, "Mommy, come play with me!" When sleep overtakes her, I weigh the options of taking a nap, doing laundry, making a phone call, going to the bathroom or eating a meal with two hands.

Lesson Two: Things Happen Before Dawn

Until I had a baby, I did not know that my neighbor across the street leaves for work at 4 a.m., that cable becomes almost 100 percent paid programming after 3 a.m. and that our daily newspaper arrives promptly at 5 a.m. every morning. I have watched numerous sunrises while holding my daughter and have yet to see a single one more magnificent than she is.

Lesson Three: I Know Nothing

I have no idea what I am doing. Every movement I make is either a knee-jerk reaction to a screaming cry or a much-researched and discussed decision that typically include the phrases, "If it will make her sleep better...," "The pediatrician said...," or "So this other mom told me..." But here's the good news, I am slowly finding the ability to make decisions about my daughter on my own and trust that doing so won't harm her.

Lesson Four: Labor, Though Weird and Gross, is Bonding

The hours I spent in labor were the most amazing hours of my life and made me feel closer to my husband than ever before. With every contraction, moan, grunt and push, he stayed by my side offering support and assistance. And despite his front row seat to a world of unpleasantness, he remained my cheerleader, advocate and caretaker. He is a huge part of why I love how my delivery went. The other 80 percent of why I loved it has everything to do with experiencing an epidural and not an episiotomy.

Lesson Five: Love, But Not at First Sight

When I first laid eyes on Adeline, I expected to be overcome with love. Some may find this shocking, but I wasn't. Don't get me wrong, I did feel love for her - it had been growing since I first learned I was pregnant. But my emotions reflected the reality of the situation - I was struggling to grasp that I had just birthed the mystery person in my belly and it was now time to do what I feared most - take care of her. The reality of pregnancy was now literally staring me in the face...and screaming.

The first weeks were hard for me. I was trying to fit Addy into my old life and her presence was a shock to the way I spent every second of my day. But without even knowing it was happening, I let go of that old way of living. My vision stretched beyond myself and I started building a new life with my husband and daughter. Now, my baby girl is the very center of my heart. Although I still find myself crying, it's not from frustration or exhaustion, it's because I am so in love with her.

Lesson Six: Don't Take It For Granted

This applies to everything. I didn't fully appreciate life without a pregnant belly or a baby until it was gone. I should've relished those nights filled with sleep and the freedom to do whatever I wanted, like drink alcohol, eat lunch meat or do something on a moments notice. And, once I had the baby, I realized how truly awesome it was to be pregnant for the first time. Everyone is so happy for you and openly shares their enthusiasm. Plus, you get special treatment, ranging from using the bathroom first to getting discounts at antique stores when the owner nostalgically stares at you and remembers his own children. Now that my baby is outgrowing her newborn cloths and diapers, I realize I barely remember those first weeks home with her. I've already forgotten how tiny she was and the exhaustion and difficulties I felt are wearing away. Although I was doing the best I could at the time, I wish I would've felt less fear and sleepiness so I could've absorbed those first days with my daughter.

Lesson Seven: Don't Hesitate to Ask

Other moms know what you're going through, especially if they're newer moms, too. And other moms are more than ready to share their knowledge with you, like their tricks for getting baby to sleep, what nap schedule works best and a book that will solve the very problem you're describing. There's a huge support system out there, through friends, family, the internet and that lady with the newborn at Target, you just have to reach out to it.

When I see first-time pregnant women, I want so badly to give them a hug, not one of sympathy, but one filled with excitement and support. I want to tell them, "This is going to be that hardest thing you've ever done, but you can do it. When you're crying (yes, you will cry) and exhausted, remember that it will get easier every week - I promise. Ask for help, but trust that you know how to care for your baby and always do what feels right for you and your family. Before you know it, you will have created a new life that you love. I know I have. But you will always miss how well you used to sleep. And being able to pee without thinking where to set the baby while you do it."

My Butt is Staring Back at Me

A few weeks ago, Joey and I replaced this sectional, which used to belong to his parents,...



...with this new sofa...

...and over-sized chair with ottoman.

Sorry, my camera is incapable of taking a photo without a baby in it.

Although we love our new furniture, and Adeline even gave her stamp of approval by spitting up all over it, there is one drawback. The fabric, which is microfiber, shows every movement we make on the couch.

For example, the other day, after about an hour of nursing and soothing Addy, I rose from the couch and was both surprised and amused to find this left behind on the fabric:

It's my butt, complete with pockets and separation of my butt cheeks. How awesome! This totally did not make me feel like a fat ass who has spent far too much time on the couch lately. And, believe it or not, my butt is parked in that exact same spot right now as I watch Martha Stewart awkwardly discuss her prison time with Michael Moore.

Now that I know my couch and arse are capable of creating such "impressions," I'm going to have to get more creative with the way I sit. It can be a new game - Find Where My Butt's Been For The Last 2 Hours While a Holding a Baby. Sounds like loads of fun to me!

The Anatomy of a Baby's Room

So, I've shown off my baby and blogged about pregnancy and motherhood, but I completely forgot to show you the baby's room. Thanks to Tracylynne for the reminder!

First, in case you had forgotten how cute my baby is, here's a reminder:

This is the pose she assumes after eating, right before I burp her and she pukes all over my shoulder.

And yes, that's a smile and no, it's not "just gas," it's a real smile and it's because she loves her mommy.

Okay, down to business. Here's what her room looks like when you stand in the doorway:

We have some artwork up, but still have two blank walls to fill. The rug is from Ikea. Now, let's get down to specifics.

Here's the rocking chair, where I spend several hours a day, usually between 11 p.m. and 7 a.m., either feeding Adeline or desperately trying to get her to sleep.

The rocking chair is handmade and was a wedding gift. The blanket on the back of it is 100% practical in that it provides padding for my aching back (seriously-holding and rocking a 9 lb baby for hours on ends starts to hurt). I keep a burb cloth hanging on the armrest and there are more in the cute duck wall storage thingy, as well as rattles that I thrust in Adeline's face as she winds up to start crying. They distract her enough to prevent a complete melt down.

This bookshelf was in our house when we moved in and is constructed from an old 6-paneled door. Joey painted it and we store the oodles of books and blankets Addy has, as well as an assortment of batteries for the swing, bouncy seat, noise maker, etc... that we rely on.

Here's a close up of some valuable nursery items I keep on the bookcase:

Hydrogen peroxide: this is from when her umbilical stump fell off. We used it (pediatrician recommended) to clean her little belly button till it healed. Shout: Poo stains are inevitable and they happen often. If poo gets on something, spray it with this and throw the item in the laundry the next time you feel up to doing it. Mylicon drops: My girl has some digestive issues and these seem to ease her discomfort and help her "work things out" when needed. A Soothie pacifier: Addie is hit or miss with a pacifier, sometimes demanding she have it and other times spitting it out as soon as she allows it into her mouth. But, it's handy to have on hand just in case. Magazines: I found myself reading Addy's books while waiting for her to finish eating and as much as I love Where's Baby's Belly Button, I find People much more interesting at the crack of dawn. A small lamp: This is from Ikea and it casts just enough soft light so I can happily watch milk dribble from my baby's mouth as she eats.

My favorite item is Adeline's changing table, which is actually an antique dry sink.

Joey stumbled on one of these in July and thought it would make a unique changing table. We then visited at least 25 different antique stores and flea markets trying to find just the right one at just the right cost. My parents found this one at Gordon's Antiques in Port Washington, Wisconsin and we bought it shortly before Addy was born. Mr. Gordon knocked some money off it cause he was excited for us first-time parents. I actually think he was scared of my uber-pregnant belly and was probably just trying to get me out of his shop before my water broke.

The dry sink provides a good amount of storage underneath...

...and enough surface space to hold Adeline's diaper changing accoutrement.
The green basket is from Crate and Barrel and is a great place to hold diapers. I use wipes and washcloths dipped in water for clean up. I mostly use the rags and only turn to wipes for explosions. This saves a few bucks on wipes and I notice Addy gets diaper rash less when I use the rags and water.

Adeline's crib is the Emily crib from Million Dollar Baby and we're quite happy with it. It's the first piece of furniture Joey and I ever purchased.

I didn't buy an entire bedding set because Addy received lots of great quilts and blankets at her baby shower. I highly recommend buying a few Sheet Savers, which is the pink square on top of her sheet. It protects the sheet from bodily fluids so at 2 a.m. you only have to change the Sheet Saver, not the entire sheet. The pink thing on top of the Sheet Saver is a Swaddle Me by Kiddopotamous , or a baby straight jacket as one of you clever readers commented. Although Adeline prefers to have her hands up by her face, if we don't swaddle her up in this she wakes herself up from moving her arms and hands so much.

And the only reason I was able to take these photos and write this post is because of this magical devise...
...the Baby Bjorn. Adeline isn't a big fan of hanging out on her own and she's also not big on napping. This carrier keeps her close to me without having to actually hold her and the movement of me walking around puts her right to sleep.

The color in these photos is a little washed out for some reason, but I hope you enjoyed the tour just the same!